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#Metoo. Now What? (Edited) December 7, 2017

Posted by voolavex in despicable, Domestic Violence, Genital Matters, guilt, Guilt relief, Halter tops, Harvey Weinstein, illegal, marriage, murder, serial monster, sex, sexist, sexy, sins, Social Issues, solutions, The 45th, vagina.
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I have been informed that I have made some errors in this post.  There are 51 sets of sexual assault laws in this country.  They can be found on findlaw.com.  These are the 50 states and Federal law.  I did not check all of them and I did not include territories or possessions, however each body of laws regarding sexual crimes have various types, sentencing recommendations and those that cross state lines become federal. What I sensed in those I read was that various degrees of these crimes exist but I also think – only my opinion – that they should be codified better throughout the various legal systems.  And I hold to the idea that the accused and the abused should both have due process.  I should add that sexual crimes are very complicated and very much disagreed upon globally.  But indeed they are, in this country, set down by each state and  the federal government and guidelines, statutes and many laws exist. I apologize for not researching this better and I hope that simply by searching  a state’s sex crimes law on the Internet these resources will answer questions I cannot. I am not in law enforcement nor am I an attorney. This post has been edited to reflect my errors.

What happens when you unleash predators and dump them into a big cage with room for  many, many more?  Some are misdemeanor predators with only one egregious  act to their name and others are serial predators who would still be doing it if they had not been exposed.  It’s a valid question because every crime on our books has degrees of offenses.  Sexual crimes do as well (see above) – I would guess because it has been ignored, not believed, excused or just plain denied by the offenders or the legal and LE systems these laws may slip through the cracks.  It has a statute of limitations in some states so if you got assaulted 26 years ago – time has run out and the offender walks.

For many reasons – that of shame, trauma and fear of not being believed,what are considered criminals among us who don’t get charged and we have #metoos who do not get their day in court.  All  these particular offenses  are are not equal and herein lies the rub  (sorry).  Is a pinch on the butt equal to a rape in an alley?  Is workplace harassment comparable to a gang rape in a fraternity house or at a party.  Is substance abuse a factor?  Is domestic abuse with rape the same as rubbing up in subway car?  Can a husband rape a spouse legally.  Is flirting frought with danger.  Is it an invitation or is it so complicated a message it can be a crime to even do it? You know the variations on this theme and you also know that the acts themselves are not all the same.  They may make us feel violated and threatened and dirty; but they are not all the same.

Those accused – whom we so readily name and those who are not named but pointed at  – areoften not charged and therefore not proven guilty.  The millions of #metoos are still only  making accusations.  And while these offenses include the murdering of the souls and psyches of the women and male victims who have been abused and violated,  there  are still  very broad interpretations of such crimes by judges and juries. Frequently the evidence in any court would be one word against the other. I suspect even lawyers on both sides have issues with this problem.

How could you apply a statute of limitations on better defined degrees or would all sexual high crimes and misdeanors be treated exactly the same.  Anthony Weiner provided proof of his own aberrations – and he made himself the villain because he was the villain.  He is in the fedslam.  He has been disgraced and he is being punished through the legal system.  Due process.

Because a culture of fear and shame denied the violated, the violated were denied due process.  I think if I were so  inclined, I would sue those who perpetuated this.  And if I were in the legal arena, I would collect all the evidence available and bring causes of action in each case that could be a cause of action.  I would not favor the race or age or gender of the accused or their value to a college or a career or a future.  Let Justice be blind. We are a nation of accomplished finger pointers.  We use reputations to defame and extol many people who deserve neither.  But I am more concerned with the way in which these crimes or alleged crimes (because people do lie) are handled and have been handled. And I speak personally; that not all people violated have their lives ruined.  Many do, but many don’t. There are those of us who can relegate memories to a place where #metoo no longer has a daily impact or incessant pain.  We are the fortunate ones.

While members of the Congress and commerce are resigning in droves and without due process we are committing further injustice  and a rush to judgment outside the courts of law.  This is wrong too.

I do not claim to have answers that are effective in the moment.  But the crimes of a sexual nature; the rapes, the rubs, the feel-ups, the date rapes, the marital rapes, the campus rapes the injury, the accused who do go on trial, the anger, the retaliation all have to be placed in a context that other crimes against society and people are placed.  This body of crime has existed for all of humanity.  Some sought power, some sought satisfaction, some went nuts in war and kept on abusing.  But in any context – this  is not new.  And as such we need to make it fit into our legal system better and be adjudicated as we do many other offenses.

And please remember that women and men can be #metoos.

 

 

 

 

 

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Is That A Gun in Your Pocket – A Little Look At Rape February 21, 2015

Posted by voolavex in Social Issues.
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Social media has put rape on people’s minds. For which women and girls, for the most part should be very grateful. No, that isn’t right. No woman should be grateful about any kind of rape –  it is a nasty word; long whispered – that is now in capital letters. It was never discussed in the presence of children when I was one. It was shameful and ugly and dirty but it was always the woman who had done something, anything , to make it happen. Consequently raped women were soiled, whores, sluts, dishonored, used, unmarriageable (horrors), no better than prostitutes, unclean and a laundry list of other denigration that drove these women and girls to hide in shame and in many cases, commit suicide. Enslaved women were beaten and raped.  Sex trafficking is part of a very old profession.  Most went unreported, children of rape were pariahs and rapists – well -they just couldn’t help themselves. Oh sure they were animals and monsters but it was women who made this behavior occur and therefore, men were worse victims of this invasion of body and soul than the cheap women who deserved what they got. Let me tell you , it is going to take more than social media, DNA and rape kits to make it stop.

Here’s the disclaimer: I like men.  I am married to a male – and not the first; I have a male child and a father whom I adored. This is the best part in some ways because I have loved and been loved by men that left me sad when they were gone, happy when they weren’t and angry when they took what I had not given freely. But it makes me a sort of expert.   Women surrender themselves in the back seats of cars, the picnic blanket, the football stadium after dark, in their own rooms when no one else is home and it is often forcible surrender.  And I suppose the crux of the matter is that last phrase.    But for me the issue almost always excludes the one thing that no one seems to address (and it may be not be addressable – [I suspect it is]);  the nature of the men who rape; the date rapist, the frat boy, the boss, the lover (yes, the lover), the relative, the stranger, the man is very much a product of nature not nurture.  The gun has been in his pocket all his life and this gun has always had a mind of its own.  Not every man is a rapist – not every man has this drive in his heart or soul or mind; but every man has the weapon and instructions come with it.  And it’s okay because to them;  just as women “get themselves pregnant”, they also “get themselves raped”.

Cultural differences are usually not included in the war on rape.  We would like it all to be the same and in the end it is all the same, but it is not seen or done the same way.  Raped is raped; but customs – whether they are good or bad are part and parcel of the crime.  Questions of whether any woman has essential equal rights to the sovereignty of her being form part of the basis of how the act is regarded.  If you come far enough to those endless local and federal government and legal debates, in this country alone, you will see that the very Solons and lawmakers, in their suits and ties, who run the show, regard rape in as many ways as there are ways to think about it.  And apparently men think about it a lot.  The lure of a woman’s body appears to be unmanageable for a large number of men and judging by the thousands of reasons they concoct to excuse what they did, thought, wanted, were entitled to have; they are not entirely comfortable with any of it or some don’t even believe it was actually wrong  Whatever emotions or appeal men have for women – ours seems less fraught with confusion and much more emotional.

There is the age old (and I mean eons old) fact of “pillage and rape”.  After the angry hordes have decimated their adversary – almost as an afterthought or a reward for the pillaging, they rape.  And you might imagine they would be exhausted after the destruction and murder and mob violence – it seems logical – but adrenalin and testosterone and sexual assault are not the things of logic and victims (male and female) get raped.  In some ways ending war is the twin brother of ending rape.  Or not; having endured marital rape and date rape and having said “no” and meant it, to no avail; I suspect that freedom from rape is just as much an imaginary construct as peace on earth.  Sad, but this is what I think.

Now you may be thinking.  Eee-oo, what a nasty  look at some of the rape issue – but this is how I see it now. But more than these self-evident truths is a  larger and much more pressing  question.  How does the world in this century undo eons of thoughts, attitudes and the act itself.   Talk is so cheap and support groups are so superficial and the courts are so backlogged with cases in this country alone, it defies the issue and that is  just one part of it – but look at recorded history.  Rape has been for many men – an entitlement and for many more – an expected part of war.  And I suspect in many, many cases it is almost a reflex.  Yes, that’s what I think.  After all – sex is a very basic act and one can argue about whether rape is a crime of a sexual nature or of power – but does that really matter if you have been raped?  I think it is a tiresome debate because I think it is both and we waste too much time debating which one it is.

A recent article in the NY Times Sunday edition of January 25, 2015, entitled “Searching for Sex” by Seth Stephens-Davidowitz includes a survey.  “Of the top ten questions about “my penis” nine involve size” Average monthly searches (derived from anonymous and aggregate web activity) are telling and size is a source of insecurity if the numbers are even close..  Just as it is good to be king, it appears good to have big dick.  Touching briefly on the male Gay community; it is also an issue there and a peek at “Grindr” is informative and a little scary.   I will let you decide on your own.

Answers?  I am not convinced there are any. Rape is not new.  It is being dealt with at this point as if it is – but that is a Sisyphean position.  Zero tolerance on campuses, asking permission for hot sex that is consensual is absurd.  Yes.  These are both very PC but very unproductive and not practical.  Alcohol fuels sex and as a woman I can attest to that.  Do men take advantage of this?  Yup.  Do they memorialize it on smart phones and social media? Yup.  Do they brag?  Certainly.  And do they expect a pass when it is reported?  Yup.  They have always gotten a pass (and by always I mean historically) – this has been a part of having a penis and may be a serious reason why men believe they are in charge and control.  To some degree they are.  I don’t understand gang-rape well; the same men who insist on female purity accept sloppy seconds + when presented with the chance.  But shame?  Not much.

Can you teach a male to not rape.  Some men simply never will.  It will be abhorrent to them.  But just as some people will never use a gun even if they have one, the inherent problem in the case of sexual force, abuse or rape, is that the means are stuck on the front of men’s bodies.  And this organ responds without permission. Women who are skin and bones get raped, women who are very overweight get raped, nuns get raped, pregnant women get raped, mothers with children in tow get raped, disfigured women get raped, disabled women get  raped, mothers and grandmas get raped, children get raped. They are beaten, subdued, unconscious, in burkas and “modest” apparel. They are raped by one; they are raped by gangs and they are raped by turns.  This has always been part of human history and in last few years of the 20th century and in the 21st we have decided to fight a war which is so entrenched and so widespread it makes me despair. And  in the end we tend to ignore a simple truth that confounds us.  Boiled down to the  its essence; since the basic tool for the rape is attached to the rapist, the rape is on the rapist. It is on their person. It is part of them. And that is the entire source of the problem. Until men do not see rape as a viable or opportune act – there will always be rape and the raped will continue to bear the shame and the blame.

Not The Age of Aquarius. September 19, 2013

Posted by voolavex in Social Issues.
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In the course of an average day something usually occurs that gets my goat.  Often more than one and it generally has been exaggerated by social media.  I know – blame it on the Internet – but nothing is sacred and now the profane has entered the realm of the used to be sacred and we are in a mess.  This doesn’t mean I am going to leave FB or go offline.  I love it most of the time but there is soooo much stupid crap shared it can drive a reasonably intelligent human crazy.

Todays’ review:

The United States – “not the greatest country in the world” (I agree with Putin on that) has spun out of control in ways I don’t think anyone could have imagined.  Post-racial?  I don’t think so.  Jim Crow is alive in every corner and on the Internet.  He jumps out constantly allowing us to know just what a screwed mentality exists in this “land of the free”.  It is embarrassing and downright shameful for a “natural born” American who wishes all that buying and selling of humans never happened.  And has never ended – at least in the hearts and minds of too many 21st Century Americans.   What so many of us imagined…no fantasized…would happen when Barack Obama was elected is that the lion would lie with the lamb and love would steer the stars.  Folks.  This is not the Age of Aquarius.  Look at the Congress.  They make me sick.  They are disgusting and they know it.  Lazy, bigoted, misogynist old men who are scared of the Black Guy in the White House.  Hot mess scared.  And stupid and don’t have a real grip on what they are doing and what it bodes for the future.

I am not worried about the death of the middle class as much as I am afraid of the quantum leap in crime we will face if essential services to low income (poor) Americans are cut or denied.  Angry, jobless, homeless, hungry individuals and families will be willing to do almost anything to feed their kids. Crime will escalate. And since many who are having babies (and for some odd reason the true believers think this is really a smart move) are in the lower income bracket or worse, teenagers who will be denied any assistance, those babies if they survive without,  will see themselves as worthless and act accordingly.  There will be a ton of secret sex going on too and no birth control and no choice and no assistance and no food and medical care and then what.  John Boehner is gonna order another pitcher of martinis and tee off?  The people who support this philosophy have not realized that Harry Potter is a made up character and no magic wand is going to return us to the era of black and white TV.  In fact, lots of these “true believers” weren’t even born then.  Thus far I have not heard a single answer from any of these miscreants about the “babies”.  And believe me, the more mouths there are to feed on this dying little planet, the worse it will be – not the better.  Read Malthus.

Post racial?  Do Not Be Black in America.  Don’t do it.  Forget the Happy Family in the White House – being black in this country is a capital crime.  Ask Miss America?  Ask anyone who has ever been pulled over driving while black.  Ask my family?  Jim Crow is alive and just because you wish it was different – it isn’t.  Just because Mr. O wishes it were different – it isn’t and Mrs. O rolls her eyes with good reason.  If Mr. O had to run again – he could simply choose as his campaign slogan “damned if you do and damned if you don’t”.

Women?  Close your legs girlies.  You are the Holy Grail for the crusaders.  Your vagina and your reproductive decisions and your right to decide your own fate.  Rape?  Nahh.  You asked for it?  It wasn’t really rape. That outfit.  Gang rape?  College boy antics.  Drugged date rape?  Well – what did you think would happen?  This is mainly white guy rape.  Black guy rape is depraved.  Period.

Abortion – or as I call it “choice” = murder.  You are going to burn in hell.  Don’t believe in hell?  Well THEY do and that’s where you are going because they do.  The babies.  Ask them.  I have no idea.

Gay?  Shame, shame, shame.  Well mostly males shame, shame, shame.  Straight men like to watch “two gals go at it”, so Lesbians take less of a hit – but they are disgusting in general because they do not all look like Penthouse models.  And a good shtup would cure all that anyway – preferably using their penis.  Gay marriage?  Legal, mostly but disgusting too.  Pray it away but not in their churches because it is against God’s will.  Which God?  You can love your fellow person but make sure it is not your fellow man if you are a man and not your fellow woman, if you are a woman (unless you are Penthouse material).

Universal health care?  Commie, pinko, socialist, weirdo wrong.  Uncivilized even.  Oh Canada.

Jingo Journalism.  Sounds like a jumprope rhyme.  Reads like a jumprope rhyme.   Proliferating in geometric progressions.

Peace?  Highly overrated because it is a fantasy.  We like to kill.  Been doing it since written history. We love it.  Any method, any reason, anywhere.  This is a blood soaked planet.

So as I approach another alpha boomer birthday, this is what gets my goat.  This not all that gets my goat but this is today’s list. Don’t abandon hope,but don’t confuse this with the Age of Aquarius because it isn’t.