Voolavex

You Say Vajayjay October 28, 2007

It thrilled me no end today, that the vagina – the water feature ride of every woman (down the chute and out you come – wet!) has an acceptable new name.  At least the NYTimes says so in the Sunday Style Section  (Oct. 28, 2007).  Unlike the much euphemized penis – which early on gets lots of good names, (there seems to be no end to the dick ) ; not so the vagina – her pet name has remained a mystery because no one – even people who have their own – have no clue what they can get away with calling her.  Mention the word “vagina” and you will get a lots of “eee-oooo’s” and “icks”.  Kudos to Eve Ensler who put a fast stop to some of  that with the  wonderful “Vagina Monologues”.  But even Eve’s participants didn’t actually use any names that stuck.  A short look at the names that have sort of stuck in my lifetime ( many of which I used and still do) illustrates the point.  As a little kid I had a “bixie” (??), then there was a long period of where she was:  “down there”, “there”, “up in there”, in there”,  “you know”  (this came with a quick double head motion to the side), twat, pussy and often, simply crotch;  my mother’s favorite was “pooley” (because my little brother couldn’t say pussycat and called the family pet a pooley).  For a while I liked the popular, “suzie”, “woo-woo”, couze (a French guy, I dated used that a lot), and I think my personal favorite at one time was “snatch”.  An old Black street term for her is “cock” – and there is a jump rope rhyme that includes the term (I will email the entire rhyme to anyone curious enough to ask for it). Just to give you an idea of how some folks have the  word “vagina” hovering in their subconscious, a London friend told me about a girl who blurted out to her mother that she just seen the play “Victoria Vagina”!  Sounds right to me.  But today’s revelation that both Grey’s Anatomy and Oprah have designated the term vajayjay as the okay, on and off screen, use with your mother and daughter, nomenclature comes as a relief.  Diaphragm users will be able to explain their vajayjay’s dimension without having to say , “I have a huge vagina”; post menopausal women will no longer blush when buying KY because their vajayjay has shrunk and yeast infections will no longer be called “feminine itch”.  The down side is negligible for the word. It may cause some small problem in South Asia where Vijay is a popular male first name and my brother will no longer have to use the euphemism CUNextTuesday for any reason anymore but that’s a small price for the freedom it allows.  As for the straight male population, they still won’t “call” her anything anyway because they are scared to death of her, no matter how much they want to get in.