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By Any Other Name They Still Are Snot October 29, 2007

Posted by voolavex in Uncategorized.
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Sometimes it takes only one commercial to answer the question: How low can we go?”  I nominate the Mucinex ads (Torre Lazur McCann Advertising) currently running on U.S. TV for their unadulterated use of snot – anthropomophic snot – to sell a product that has been around since before Western man appropriated the US from the Indians  and gave them smallpox as a bonus.  Guaifenesen – Mucinex’s generic name – has been in expectorants and decongestants and cold remedies forever. It is derived from a New World tree bark. What’s new is that we now have an entire community of green snot boogers telling us how good it.  These repulsive snot wads get married, have snot babies, decorate their condo/nostrils, form sporting teams, appear on late night TV and generally look disgusting when you think about what they represent. (Roger Jackson – a formidable voice actor plays the snotty Mr. Mucus).  I thought it might be enlightening to explore snot – something we all have in common.  It will not answer the question “Why would anyone think snot creatures are appealing?” but it will clear up some booger mysteries.  I found these passages online at http://library.thinkquest.org/J0112390/Boogers.htm.  Pick and choose the parts you like best.

To better understand snot and boogers, lets start with mucus. Mucus is thick, sticky, slimy and a good thing. Mu-u-u-u-cus! Mucus is so important that it’s found all over nature. Inside your nose, it’s a thick, sticky, wet pudding-like gunk that coats your skin and hairs. Mucus is made by, mucus membranes. Your body has mucus membranes in all sorts of places: the stomach, intestines, nose, lungs, eyes, mouth, and the urinary tract all contain mucus membranes that secrete mucus. For now, we will “pick the nasal membranes and mucus” as our topic of interest. Mucus becomes very important with every breath that you take.

    Each time that you take a breath, there are three very important things that happen.

1. The air that you breathe in is cleaned by tiny hairs in your nose, trapping little bits of dirt and dust and germs that come in through your nose.

2. As you breathe, the air is made slightly wet. Your nose having damp passages does this.

3. The next thing that takes place when air enters your nose is that the air is warmed. This happens because the blood flows through the lining of the nose and gives off heat.

    Even though these three actions are to keep you healthy, germs can sometimes get into your respiratory system. The germs start growing in your nose, throat and lungs. You have a cold!

    When you have a cold the linings of your nose and / or throat swell. Thick, clear liquid called mucus forms and its purpose is to wash away the germs. The mucus builds up and blocks the air passages. This is what causes a stuffy nose and a cough.


    “Snot”, is just another word for mucus. Snot is beautiful human slime. When bits of stuff get stuck in your nose hairs, it’s the mucus or snot that surrounds the stuff and traps it.


    Boogers are dried-up snot and dirty nose debris. They can be small, slimy lumps or big, dry, brown clumps. Either way, boogers are filled with the junk that’s in the air you breathe. Dust, pollen, germs, sand, fungi, smoke, small particles from outer space! The good thing about your mucus is that it helps trap all this junk and keep it from getting close into your lungs.


    It seems like the main function of mucus, snot, boogers, whatever you want to call it is to trap particles, junk in the air inhaled through the nose and keep our lungs clean. Exhaling through the nose helps to expel, to push out the mucus with the trapped dirt in it. Our nose really acts like a vacuum cleaner for the air, and blowing our nose is like emptying the bag.

FYI – In some countries boogers are called bogies, snotters, boogies and bogeys.  (My son always called them snouts and would not pick his nose because of the way the snout looked.  A friend’s mother acknowledges nose picking by asking “Having a party?’ And when you reply “No” she will casually say :”Then why are you cleaning your halls?” ) And there is also the school yard chestnut – “pick me a winner” or “pick one for me while you’re up there”.  Some folks root, some use the pinkie to defuse the act and some never seem to do it at all. 

The question of who decided what these snots should look like is one mystery I do not feel the need to solve.  The book mentioned below is one I recommend for a deeper look.

By The Haggis-On-Whey World of Unbelievable Brilliance. 64pp. Simon and Schuster $24.50 (Hardcover)

You Say Vajayjay October 28, 2007

Posted by voolavex in Eve Ensler, Uncategorized, vagina, vajayjay.
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It thrilled me no end today, that the vagina – the water feature ride of every woman (down the chute and out you come – wet!) has an acceptable new name.  At least the NYTimes says so in the Sunday Style Section  (Oct. 28, 2007).  Unlike the much euphemized penis – which early on gets lots of good names, (there seems to be no end to the dick ) ; not so the vagina – her pet name has remained a mystery because no one – even people who have their own – have no clue what they can get away with calling her.  Mention the word “vagina” and you will get a lots of “eee-oooo’s” and “icks”.  Kudos to Eve Ensler who put a fast stop to some of  that with the  wonderful “Vagina Monologues”.  But even Eve’s participants didn’t actually use any names that stuck.  A short look at the names that have sort of stuck in my lifetime ( many of which I used and still do) illustrates the point.  As a little kid I had a “bixie” (??), then there was a long period of where she was:  “down there”, “there”, “up in there”, in there”,  “you know”  (this came with a quick double head motion to the side), twat, pussy and often, simply crotch;  my mother’s favorite was “pooley” (because my little brother couldn’t say pussycat and called the family pet a pooley).  For a while I liked the popular, “suzie”, “woo-woo”, couze (a French guy, I dated used that a lot), and I think my personal favorite at one time was “snatch”.  An old Black street term for her is “cock” – and there is a jump rope rhyme that includes the term (I will email the entire rhyme to anyone curious enough to ask for it). Just to give you an idea of how some folks have the  word “vagina” hovering in their subconscious, a London friend told me about a girl who blurted out to her mother that she just seen the play “Victoria Vagina”!  Sounds right to me.  But today’s revelation that both Grey’s Anatomy and Oprah have designated the term vajayjay as the okay, on and off screen, use with your mother and daughter, nomenclature comes as a relief.  Diaphragm users will be able to explain their vajayjay’s dimension without having to say , “I have a huge vagina”; post menopausal women will no longer blush when buying KY because their vajayjay has shrunk and yeast infections will no longer be called “feminine itch”.  The down side is negligible for the word. It may cause some small problem in South Asia where Vijay is a popular male first name and my brother will no longer have to use the euphemism CUNextTuesday for any reason anymore but that’s a small price for the freedom it allows.  As for the straight male population, they still won’t “call” her anything anyway because they are scared to death of her, no matter how much they want to get in.

Graphic Options October 18, 2007

Posted by voolavex in graphics, visuals, war.
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This blog has many looks to go.  I like this better than the last one though.

Re:  Sledge – you are preaching to the choir. The WMD thing (oops, war) in Iraq.  I ain’t gonna study war no more.  No one else studied on it – they just started fighting and blowed things up real good.  Ask your average Joe what makes a Shiite not a Sunni and you will draw a big blank.  Ask the decider.  Bigger Blank. Like the Old Man says in Candide “They all believe what they’re screaming.  We’ll see.”

Adopt A Pet At Your Own Risk October 18, 2007

Posted by voolavex in adoptions, Pets, Uncategorized.
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Ellen’s recent travails notwithstanding – the pet adoption racket is about to qualify for the RICO predicates.  Try to find a kitten or puppy at one of the local adoption fairs and meet some of the most obsessed folks (usually women) on the planet – especially in my neck of the woods – Los Angeles.  Rescue is the operative word here and it conjures up abandoned baby animals with no hope for the future.  The gas chamber awaits unless you rescue one and take it home .  If only it were that altruistic.  These groups all seem to have 501(c) status making them non-profits – like the Red Cross – which means they can collect as much as the market will bear for these animals they rescue from the clutches of death somewhere.  The cost generally ranges from $50 on up and it is always in the form of a “donation”.  Ladies, you have been watching too many televangelists.  One little kitten I saw was $1500 because of a laundry list of things they had paid to have done and, oh yes, he was a purebred.  Okay – for the money they wanted, I could have bought a contender.  The adoption papers lack everything but a judge’s signature and the filing number but they list so many do’s and don’t’s you’d think you were acquiring a newborn human. Kevin Federline has less restrictions on his two kids. Home visits, no open doors, no other pets, the food they want you to buy, surprise visits, no kids and the list goes on while the price goes up.  Get a grip ladies.  And pet lovers who want to find a kitten or puppy – go to the pound and pay their legitimate adoption fee and while you’re at it mention a no kill policy.   Or ask your vet – they always have a litter or two up for adoption.  And if all else fails – try the local Kwik-E-Mart in spring – it’s baby animal season.  I got one of sweetest kittens there.  Free.  Wow.

Hello world! October 17, 2007

Posted by voolavex in Uncategorized.

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