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In That Single Act June 8, 2008

Posted by voolavex in dying.
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In the end the tears refused to come.  The wind blew west across the hill facing the freeway and the home of Mickey Mouse and the Disney Studios.  The cars raced along the 210 and on Forest Lawn Drive and not one tear escaped my eyes.   I stood with my husband at a grave site in Mt. Sinai Cemetery, beneath a canopy and saw one very small, plain pine box waiting to be put in its forever bed.   A fine linen shroud embracing my friend in death.  A Star of David atop the coffin.  I prayed, alone and aloud,  the rites for the dead.  She and I – bound forever in that single act. Eishet Chayil.  A woman of valor.  Her price – to me – beyond rubies and beyond the diminished months of life she tried so hard to leave.  In the final moments though, she found the courage and the strength to take one last breath and leave us wishing, too little, too late, for things to have been better.  In the end she decided she had had enough and then left us wondering: where had she been and where did she go?  Her time had finally come.  Grief and faith tell us that she is in a better place but all we really know is that she is in a different place.  She is not with us any longer.   I long to believe her pain and sadness is over and that she remembers us just as we remember her.   I long to believe that my version of the place her soul sought out is what she would have wanted.  I long to have done a thousand things differently for her.  I never saw her cry and perhaps that’s why my tears won’t come just yet.   They will come when it’s time.

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