Voolavex

From the Same Folks Who Brought us Torquemada March 17, 2008

UPDATED:  In Loving Memory of George Carlin –

Leave it to the reliable ol’ Catholic Church to come up with a snappy new list of sins.  As if we don’t have enough to worry about – they dump another list of do-nots on their community centuries too late – euros too short.  The new list and the old are as follows – let’s look:

The seven social sins are:

1. “Bioethical” violations such as birth control and pedophilia

2. “Morally dubious” experiments such as stem cell research

3. Drug abuse

4. Polluting the environment

5. Contributing to widening divide between rich and poor

6. Excessive wealth

7. Creating poverty

The Original Seven Deadly Sins*:

1. Pride

2. Envy

3. Gluttony

4. Lust

5. Anger

6. Greed

7. Sloth

It seems to me that this is a PR attempt at modernizing the church – yet all of the new sins are so anti-enlightenment and hypocritical – well they may not be idiotic – but they are certainly a little late at this point in time and actually redundant when compared to *Pope Gregory’s 6th century list.  Let’s see why:

1.  Bioethical violations. Birth control and abortion wrapped in a different baby blanket.  AND…pedophilia – Madonna mia! – unclear on the concept as usual.

2.  Morally dubious experiments i.e. stem cell research, i.e. scientific inquiry and medical progress. 

 3.  Drug Abuse – does this include no wine and no smoking?  There goes most of Catholic Europe.

4.   Polluting the environment – did this used to be a virtue?

5.   Contributing to the divide between rich and poor – they didn’t mean it  the way it sounds.

 6.  Excessive wealth – No, they didn’t.  The current estimated worth of the Vatican assets fluctuates between $5bn and $15bn.  This does not include offshore accounts which require walking on water to access.  No, they didn’t.

 7.  Creating Poverty.  Huh?  Those thermometers in front of churches that measure fund raising will have to go and so will passing the plate.

You will need the Baltimore Catechism and Noam Chomsky to figure these out.  What do they really mean?  The old list is much easier to parse  Let’s look:

1.  Pride – “Look at all my money – oops – I didn’t really deserve it.”

2.  Envy– “I wish I had everyone’s money;  oops – I am satisfied with what I have.”

3.  Gluttony – “I want to taste everything in the world until I burst open or get the gout.  oops – I am going to run five miles a day and become a vegan”.

4.   Lust – “I want your sex”  oops – I was just using the bathroom. ” For Christ’s sake bring me an altar child – just kidding”.

5. Anger –  “You will be sorry… if you don’t renounce the devil I will burn you at the stake.  Oops.  Would you like to renounce Satan?”

6.  Greed – “I want more money, I want all the money Oops – I was thinking of Donald Trump – HE wants all the money, not me”.

7.  Sloth – “Why should I get up and work?  Oops – Wal-Mart is hiring – better run and fill out an application.”

As usual the Catholic Church has adopted another do as I say not as I do policy that dates from its founding in about the 1st century C.E. and has been interfering in people’s lives ever since.  (This is not exclusively the domain of the Roman church – but we are not talking about non-Christian fanatics or Holy Rollers here – they have much longer lists).  But what do these sins really mean?  They seem to be the same as the others only spun into savvy words and hot button issues that will boost the circulation of L’Osservatore Romana.  And they make no sense. Let’s consider:  

Can infertile Catholics utilize medical intervention to have babies?  Why can’t they use stem cell research if it will save a life.  Especially since abortion is considered murder? 

Can dirt poor Catholics escape poverty (a sin) by using birth control (another sin). 

Why doesn’t the church use its billions to feed all the poor and reduce the gap between hierarchal wealth and worshipper poverty.  Selling their art collection might be a start.

What about dreaded Idol Worship?  That is one of the original Ten and the church loves it some statuary. 

And the calendar of saints – where one used to wait hundreds of years for a nod; now they have speeded up the process to about two weeks give or take a week.  Where is the Devil’s Advocate when you need him?  Often mentioned for the calendar; Mother Teresa didn’t even get a squeak from the Almighty for 50 years – which may qualify as a miracle but not one I know about.

Out of touch with reality – more like never in touch with reality

 The new list first was published in L’Osservatore Romano – so you know it’s the God’s Honest Truth – but I don’t know.  I think the truth about the sins lies somewhere in the thoughts of  Father Guido Sarducci when he commented:

“Life is a job. You get $14.50 a day, but after you die, you have to pay for your sins. Stealing a hub cap is around $100. Masturbation is 35 cents (it doesn’t seem like much, but it adds up). If there’s money left when you subtract what you owe from what you’ve earned, you can go to heaven. If not, you have to go back to work. (Sort of like reincarnation — many nuns are Mafia guys working it off.” (Obtained from Father Sarducci.com) 

My advice: Ignore both lists.  Do what you know is right and failing that, hang around St. Peter’s;  buy a few indulgences and fuhgettabout the rest.  (Oops – I think  blasphemy is on some list too – Jesus, Mary and Joseph (Blessed be their holy names), I’m going straight to hell.)